Anti-Bullying Week 13-18 November 2023 - Theme “Make A Noise About Bullying”
This blog is authored by a secondary school student who recently visited the oRANGE lab. Andreea is her chosen pseudonym. The blog has been edited by Dr Sinziana-Ioana Oncioiu.
Make the students voices heard
As a young woman, bullying is something that I’ve witnessed a lot especially through my middle school and secondary school years. Within this text, I would like to give a voice to adolescents such as myself, including people who experienced bullying and those who bully others. I’ll explore what I believe teachers and parents can do to reduce bullying and its consequences.
1. Supportive Listening
I think people, especially parents and teachers, should aim to not question a victim when they come forward with their bullying experiences, but instead comfort them first. Telling someone that you’ve been bullied can be terrifying as it may make you feel weak or unable to cope with the situation by yourself. Some people prefer silence. As young people we are expected to be maturing and are emplaced with the role of taking care of ourselves. When we cannot take care of a situation ourselves, if it’s hard because of the emotional toll it has on us, we can find it almost embarrassing.
As a parent, instead of saying “Why didn't you tell us?” and making the victim feel like they were in the wrong for being afraid to tell them, providing them with a space to talk about it, for example, by asking “Do you want me to order pizza? We can talk about it at your own pace?” can be more effective. This puts the victim in control to say what they want to say, when they are ready to say it. This can make the victim feel more comfortable because it is as if a friend were saying that to them, not an authority figure such as a guardian.
As for teachers, saying “We’re here for you and we will help you get through this the way you want us to” is a sign of genuine respect and understanding to us students, which can make the biggest difference. As students we are afraid of going to teachers when it comes down to being bullied. This is because, ultimately, the bullying perpetrators will suffer consequences and once the person who bullied is told they will be punished, they may call the victim names such as “snake”. Nobody wants to be called a snake and nobody wants to worsen the situation so the victim will remain silent. However, I think there can be a way to help schools with easing things for both the victim of bullying and the bullying perpetrator, so that they are both heard. We need to improve the school system and make it easier for victims to come forward. I think we should make students heard and help the bullying perpetrator learn.
2. Fostering empathy and support for both victims and perpetrators of bullying
Students who engage in bullying perpetration often target others due to their own insecurities. They have low self-esteem in general and bullying is a way to boost their ego and feel better about themselves. The victim and perpetrator of bullying have one thing in common; they suffer in silence and want to be comforted. For bullies, however, there is no justification for their actions. I think the consequence for the bully should be firm and fitting, but the talk should be done in a way that does not point fingers directly at the student who bullied others. It is tough to acknowledge when someone sees through you. The bullying perpetrator should be spoken to by a teacher they trust. The teacher should educate them about the unacceptability of their actions, while showing that they are there to support them if they are struggling. Schools are aware that the bullying perpetrators do what they do because they are insecure, so let’s do something about it. By helping students who bully others to feel more secure, offering the help and comfort they need and showing them that what they did was unacceptable, I think we can help the person doing the bullying. We need to start from the origin of their motives for engaging in bullying. I think the victim of bullying may also find comfort in knowing that someone else who has low self-esteem is being offered help, alongside a suitable consequence to understand how much their actions really weigh.
3. Building trust and relationships
I think the most helpful thing in reducing school bullying and its consequences is for teachers to act as if we are on the same level from a moral point of view. Having a reciprocal relationship with teachers makes us students feel more comfortable when it comes to reporting an issue such as bullying. It creates a safe atmosphere that makes us feel like we are talking to someone who understands and is a friend to us. If teachers would respect students in the same way students respect them, this would create a space where students feel comfortable to go and talk to teachers instead of waiting for teachers to come to them. It’s always scary to talk to someone who plays such a big part in your life and have the right to reward your actions or punish them. As a student, I have felt most comfortable with the teachers who laugh with me and remind me that they are human too. By doing this, it reminds us students that they have also been hurt before, and that they understand what it’s like to have cried and felt low about oneself.
Conclusions
Generations are changing, but humans are the same, they judge other people. As a species, we are very opinionated. Therefore, bullying will never disappear! However, we need to make sure that when bullying happens it is short-lived. If we address bullying on time, it won’t become a long-term experience. We need to improve the school system and make it easier for victims to come forward and feel safe in disclosing their experiences with bullying as early as possible.
It’s essential to empower the voices of students and provide a supportive, empathetic, and non-confrontational environment for those experiencing bullying. By understanding the motives of those who bully others and offering them help, we can reduce bullying by addressing its root causes. Moreover, by building trust and nurturing reciprocal relationships with students, teachers can create a safe space for reporting bullying incidents.
This blog is authored by a secondary school student who recently visited the oRANGE lab. Andreea is her chosen pseudonym. The blog has been edited by Dr Sinziana-Ioana Oncioiu.
Make the students voices heard
As a young woman, bullying is something that I’ve witnessed a lot especially through my middle school and secondary school years. Within this text, I would like to give a voice to adolescents such as myself, including people who experienced bullying and those who bully others. I’ll explore what I believe teachers and parents can do to reduce bullying and its consequences.
1. Supportive Listening
I think people, especially parents and teachers, should aim to not question a victim when they come forward with their bullying experiences, but instead comfort them first. Telling someone that you’ve been bullied can be terrifying as it may make you feel weak or unable to cope with the situation by yourself. Some people prefer silence. As young people we are expected to be maturing and are emplaced with the role of taking care of ourselves. When we cannot take care of a situation ourselves, if it’s hard because of the emotional toll it has on us, we can find it almost embarrassing.
As a parent, instead of saying “Why didn't you tell us?” and making the victim feel like they were in the wrong for being afraid to tell them, providing them with a space to talk about it, for example, by asking “Do you want me to order pizza? We can talk about it at your own pace?” can be more effective. This puts the victim in control to say what they want to say, when they are ready to say it. This can make the victim feel more comfortable because it is as if a friend were saying that to them, not an authority figure such as a guardian.
As for teachers, saying “We’re here for you and we will help you get through this the way you want us to” is a sign of genuine respect and understanding to us students, which can make the biggest difference. As students we are afraid of going to teachers when it comes down to being bullied. This is because, ultimately, the bullying perpetrators will suffer consequences and once the person who bullied is told they will be punished, they may call the victim names such as “snake”. Nobody wants to be called a snake and nobody wants to worsen the situation so the victim will remain silent. However, I think there can be a way to help schools with easing things for both the victim of bullying and the bullying perpetrator, so that they are both heard. We need to improve the school system and make it easier for victims to come forward. I think we should make students heard and help the bullying perpetrator learn.
2. Fostering empathy and support for both victims and perpetrators of bullying
Students who engage in bullying perpetration often target others due to their own insecurities. They have low self-esteem in general and bullying is a way to boost their ego and feel better about themselves. The victim and perpetrator of bullying have one thing in common; they suffer in silence and want to be comforted. For bullies, however, there is no justification for their actions. I think the consequence for the bully should be firm and fitting, but the talk should be done in a way that does not point fingers directly at the student who bullied others. It is tough to acknowledge when someone sees through you. The bullying perpetrator should be spoken to by a teacher they trust. The teacher should educate them about the unacceptability of their actions, while showing that they are there to support them if they are struggling. Schools are aware that the bullying perpetrators do what they do because they are insecure, so let’s do something about it. By helping students who bully others to feel more secure, offering the help and comfort they need and showing them that what they did was unacceptable, I think we can help the person doing the bullying. We need to start from the origin of their motives for engaging in bullying. I think the victim of bullying may also find comfort in knowing that someone else who has low self-esteem is being offered help, alongside a suitable consequence to understand how much their actions really weigh.
3. Building trust and relationships
I think the most helpful thing in reducing school bullying and its consequences is for teachers to act as if we are on the same level from a moral point of view. Having a reciprocal relationship with teachers makes us students feel more comfortable when it comes to reporting an issue such as bullying. It creates a safe atmosphere that makes us feel like we are talking to someone who understands and is a friend to us. If teachers would respect students in the same way students respect them, this would create a space where students feel comfortable to go and talk to teachers instead of waiting for teachers to come to them. It’s always scary to talk to someone who plays such a big part in your life and have the right to reward your actions or punish them. As a student, I have felt most comfortable with the teachers who laugh with me and remind me that they are human too. By doing this, it reminds us students that they have also been hurt before, and that they understand what it’s like to have cried and felt low about oneself.
Conclusions
Generations are changing, but humans are the same, they judge other people. As a species, we are very opinionated. Therefore, bullying will never disappear! However, we need to make sure that when bullying happens it is short-lived. If we address bullying on time, it won’t become a long-term experience. We need to improve the school system and make it easier for victims to come forward and feel safe in disclosing their experiences with bullying as early as possible.
It’s essential to empower the voices of students and provide a supportive, empathetic, and non-confrontational environment for those experiencing bullying. By understanding the motives of those who bully others and offering them help, we can reduce bullying by addressing its root causes. Moreover, by building trust and nurturing reciprocal relationships with students, teachers can create a safe space for reporting bullying incidents.